snippetygiblets

At last, at last !! We’ve had a week of lovely warm sunny weather to enjoy. Of course it has found me woefully unprepared with summer gear still malingering in the suitcase on top of the wardrobe and Tally without daps, but even still I have felt light and bright all week and revelled in the lack of cardigans, bed socks and gloves. Whole days have been spent out of doors at the skate park and meadow, in the tea gardens and on a friend’s colourful decking. Tal has fallen asleep each night tired and happy and smelling of sunshine and little boy sweatiness. It just makes everything seem more joyful and free-wheeling to have the windows thrown wide and to sleep naked. The met office shows this spell continuing through the weekend and up to next Tuesday (fnarr !) so we will be setting forth tomorrow to deck Tal out in some new summer clothes, and to eat ice creams and drink cool cordials. Usually I am a little daunted by the onset of the warm weather but feel as though we’ve been waiting so long this year that I have no reservations whatever !

We’re also looking around our dwelling with an eye to rearranging and refurbishing as far as is possible given the limitations of renting. Much of the stuff we have on display is at least four years old and harks back to my Norse pagan days. Everything looks increasingly brown and old to me and I’d like to completely update a lot of our ornaments and pictures to give a kind of Neo-Edwardian-cum-Cyberpunk Fusion. Bean has designed the covers for Jeff Noon’s reissued back catalogue and new novel and I would love to have reproductions of two or three framed on our walls, firstly because I am inordinately proud of him and secondly because they are wondrous to behold. You can get a taste of them here and get information about the forthcoming re-issue. I would also love the image from Idoru by William Gibson as a print. I used to have it as a postcard many years ago but that has long since been lost. Maybe some other cyberpunk art as well. Then there is my cross stitch version of the picture of Cobweb from Storm Constantine’s Bewitchments of Love and Hate. I have just realised that all my chosen art is actually from books ! My other idea is to have a frame cluster (as Bean tells me it is called) above my desk with photos of my Bloomsbury heroes surrounding a small print of my favourite Carrington portrait of Lytton. This currently serves me as a screen saver on my telephone but I would like it better on the wall. Alas that will have to wait until we’re allowed more than two picture hooks per room ! Years ago we did another project together known as “Wall of Heroes” that was akin to the cover of Sergeant Pepper with our own heroes substituted. I feel that this should be revamped and included, along with a bit of Gorey, and some of the better curious Edwardian photos we’ve collected on tumblr. It will take time and money but planning and daydreaming is fun.

We’re a step closer to bringing home our new kitten. Another lady had first pick of the litter of three and very luckily left me the kitten I wanted most. He is a boy so will be Lytton the kitten ! We have seen some photos and will be able to go and visit him next week, or the week after. It’s very exciting and Tally is practising with his cloth toy cat, Bob, making him climb up shelves and curtains, “steal” Kipper’s food, be sick and generally cause havoc. I hope the reality won’t be as dramatic as Tal’s preparations !

Crafts: I am still patching at the moment. It is slow going and very wearing on the fingers. By the time I’ve stitched a couple more flower shapes on I have cursed the air blue ! Still if a thing’s worth doing it’s worth doing properly and it does look rather magnificent so far.

Reading: Still wallowing in Lytton Strachey. It is a really lovely book and I am savouring it to the full. I always find with Bloomsbury biographies and letters that the end leaves me feeling really bereft, and then it will be an age until I find something new again. Mind you I have bought Eminent Victorians to read, and have since found several more of Lytton’s works for free on the i-pad.

Television: Loads going on here:

Fringe – still our nightly watch. We are on Series 3. I have found I dislike watching this on blue ray with my glasses on because everyone’s face looks either like the surface of the moon, or plastered in greasepaint so I do my crafting whilst we watch. It is getting ever more complex but not to the point of absurdity like Lost, and is still entertaining and exciting.

Hitler’s Children – I watched this due to a recommendation from a friend on Facebook. It was a very good documentary mostly because it was just the people speaking for themselves. I did find some of the overly dramatic music a bit risible until I became really absorbed by it; I don’t need a sinister three chord sting to let me know that Hitler was a bad person. The programme follows five people who are the direct descendants of Nazi war criminals to see how they have come to terms with their family’s past and how much it has affected them. I found it very interesting and very moving in parts. My paternal grandmother’s father was German so I must have ancestors and relations over there about whom I know nothing, and part of me hesitates to find out for this very reason. I cannot imagine being descended from Hoess or Goering or Himmler. Well worth a watch.

Harlots, Housewives and Heroines – The new series from Dr Lucy Worsley about women in Restoration Britain. I watched this on i-player last night and really enjoyed it. Very interesting and well paced and with lots of humour. I think the next two parts will be more up my street as this first episode dealt with Charles II’s mistresses and women at court which interests me slightly less than the lot of the common woman. Mind you I could watch Dr Lucy talk about the washing up and still find it delightful !

Long Lost Family – still watching this. It is my guilty pleasure !!

Tales of Television Centre: This was a very amusing documentary about the Television Centre building and the goings on there over the years. It was very interesting and very funny. There was no narration, just the people chatting away about old times which was lovely. Very British and a little eccentric.

Albert Nobbs – this was our film for the week and one that I loved to bits. Janet McTeer is just amazing in it. I realise now that she appears in Carrington, Portrait of a Marriage, Velvet Goldmine and now this – what a woman ! The whole atmosphere of the film is just wonderful and the story is so touching and strange in a way. It’s a really astute study on gender and sexuality and the difference therein but so beautifully done. There is a bit where Albert (Glenn Close) and Hubert (Janet McTeer) don women’s clothes which I think has become one of my all time favourite cinema moments. Just wonderful. Go and see it !

I’ve also seen the trailer for The Great Gatsby which left me in two minds. I would love to see a new adaptation of the book, but I’m worried that this looks a bit too Chicago/Moulin Rouge/ chick flick for my tastes and not as authentic as I would like. I also loathe Tobey Maguire with a passion. I find him physically repulsive, and having the wretched Spiderman film on a loop for Tally recently has put me off him still further. I do like Leonardo DiCaprio having forgiven him for the dismal Titpicnic (Titanic) on the strength of it being balanced out by “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape ?” so we shall see. I shall have to re-read the book again before I see it too.

Right I need to post this, have some lunch and head back out into the sunshine. I have promised Tally a lolly for his angelic behaviour all week. His chosen confection is a lurid green and pink affair known as a Twister. I’m hoping there will be shadey patches in the park as it is sweltering now. Huzzah !!

I just said to Tally “I simply don’t know what to write about today !” and he said “Just put that we’re having a really good time !” which was lovely to hear. I’m so glad he thinks so ! Having spent another week fretting about whether or not I am giving him enough stimulation, fresh air, opportunities to express himself and so on I was pondering this morning the difference in the way we are both experiencing this phase in our lives. It seems to me that our concept of time is completely different. For Tal the last half hour before lunch time is an eternity whereas for me the day flashes past before I’ve had time to turn around. Like us he is a lover of routine and much concerned with the minutiae of our lives, correcting me if I veer slightly away from the norm. A visit to the supermarket is an adventure to him with big decisions to be made: which toy to bring, whether or not to ride the scooter or wear a coat, which sweet to select for the way home. Fish fingers for dinner or it being bath night is cause for a major celebration, seeing a strange bird or an unusually large cat is an amazing spectacle to be reported to everyone. His social life is developing by leaps and bounds and funny things his friends have said or done are great inspirations to him, whilst accidents or illnesses serve as better caveats than any of my dire warnings.

His day is long, involved and full of action and excitement whilst mine breezes by as I struggle to fit in laundry, cleaning and cooking around teaching him to read and plenty of indoor and outdoor play. Yet while he bubbles along brimming with fun and curiosity I feel as though I am plodding at a snail’s pace, endlessly repeating the same week’s work and leisure. I don’t feel particularly bored or miserable, just staid and static and I can’t decide whether this is an inevitable part of middle-age or something I should be actively fighting against. I have been reading this blog which is an offshoot of Freeplaylife I think. I love to read these up beat, happy, rebellious posts and envy their carefree approach to life. I worry that I don’t give Tal enough space for messy play, or that I waste time being clean and tidy when I should be making models from boxes or gardening with him. Sometimes I see this as the ideal, the alternative to the mainstream that I should be embracing and adopting instead of my self-imposed treadmill of routine.

The problem is that I’m just not that kind of person. I am certainly deviant from the mainstream. I look odd in a decidedly unattractive, rather dowdy way. Still breastfeeding and co-sleeping with an almost five year old is unusual even in my social circle, as is unlimited television and video games, and allowing the impressive array of assorted weaponry of which Tal is so proud, so in some ways I am even deviant amongst deviants. However I could not function in the kind of hell-hole that would result if I relaxed my grip on the running of the house. I need a calm and tidy environment, and to know that the laundry basket is not over-flowing. We all need our pre-planned, home-cooked meals being complete food neurotics. Even reading the inspirational messages to kick back and chill out makes me feel a little panicky, like reading of someone scaling a tall building or bungee jumping. I haven’t always been like this. When I lived alone my lifestyle was much more spontaneous and haphazard. I would clean maybe once a month, and the ashtray next to my bed would be overflowing before I got around to emptying it. My wardrobe would be completely empty before I forced myself off to the launderette and I lived on cigarettes, booze and a selection of acceptable shop bought sandwiches, partially cooked meat and salad. Looking after other people however is a whole different kettle of fish.

I think it’s partly the shock of being responsible for a child, for another person’s childhood. I want to make Tal’s the very best it can be both by allowing him to be himself, and by providing a stable framework within which that can happen. He is very like his father who also likes regularity and routine, and I feel it’s down to me to provide that for both of them. I also think it’s partly having taken the role of housewife in place of my full-time job. However chaotic I was in my private life I was always a diligent and conscientious worker, to the point of neurosis, and I think I’ve just transferred those abilities (or handicaps depending on your viewpoint) to my new role. The less time there is to manage everything the more I find myself devising new and complicated ways of making it all fit in which works but also means that if one thing fails to happen the whole neat plan collapses into chaos, and I am in constant fear of failing to keep up. When it works it is good and I congratulate myself on a well-run house but when it is stressful I wonder if I could throw everything in and completely change my outlook. In this daydream I have a punky hair-do, colourful clothes and no idea what’s for dinner. Living dangerously !

Crafts: I have finished my flower cross-stitch. We found a nice frame and Bean cut a mount for it, so I am hopeful that it will look nice when assembled. I’ve begun to stitch my patchwork pieces together. I have 55 “flowers” so I am making a piece 5 x 11 which will then be folded into a cushion. It’s looking good so far but will take an age to complete, so I may do some other little projects to break it up.

Reading: I am really relishing Lytton Strachey by Michael Holroyd. It’s just wonderful. There’s not much more to say about it really. It’s just all about Lytton Strachey who is one of my all time favourite people. Having read a lot of his letters I don’t think there will be any major surprises, but it’s very detailed and amusing and heaven for me to read.I also finished beta-reading Matt’s Eternity in an Hour which was fantastic. Hopefully he’ll be sending it off to publishers in the near future.

Television: We’re nearing the end of the second season of Fringe and have just seen the 1940′s musical detective episode. I’m really hoping that things are mended between Walter and Peter soon; I really enjoy watching the humour and pathos of their relationship and will miss it if things keep going awry. I also finished Portrait of  a Marriage which was fabulous. Of course I knew what the ending must be, but it was still heart-rending. I loved Janet McTeer in it and have persuaded Bean to obtain Albert Nobbs for us to watch on the strength of her performance. I’m still loving Antiques Uncovered which is just a delight. This week’s episode featured some wonderful wedding and engagement rings, and showed a diamond being cut and a sword being forged; wonderful ! Dr Lucy Worsley has another series coming up on 22nd May, I believe, about women in the time of Charles II so I have that to look forward to. I’m also planning to watch  BBC4 documentary on the history of the BBC Televsion Centre and the crazy goings on there in the 1970′s which looks quite funny. I saw a clip of Brain Blessed describing how he put a “FRENCH LETTER” on the statue outside and that was enough to lure me in ! I also read this week of a film being made of the early days of the CBGB club, starrign Alan Rickman which sounds really exciting. It made me want to read Please Kill Me all over again. Althought that would undoubtedly add to my current maundering over my sedate state !!

Tally has declared today “Kitten Joke Day” as he is currently waiting excitedly to hear when our new kitten will be ready to come home. Here are his best three: What does kitten Thor use as a weapon ? Meow-nir (Mjolnir). What do you call the kitten X-Men ? Mew-tants (mutants). Finally who is the leader of the kitten X-Men ? Purr-fessor X (Professor X). They made me chuckle.

This blog is beginning to feel like Groundhog Day as the days pass and nothing much changes at all. It is still raining and I am beginning to despair that it will ever stop, despite a weather expert on tv telling us we’re in for a long hot summer. I have made sure to get us out and about this week, and Tal has had several chances to play with his friends between the showers, and a morning spent at the art gallery and Castle Museum, so we have kept cheerful. The builder has called but is unable to do anything about the window until the brickwork dries out. He is also going to tackle the ivy for us; I spent ages on Monday morning, hacking at it with our blunt secateurs but I couldn’t reach the part that is growing on their house, and I was invalided off with a massive blister on the side of my thumb. Bean went and spoke to the neighbours and they are not bothered about it themselves, it is only their letting agents who are kicking up a fuss, so I have stopped being so worried about it.

I had a bit of excitement this morning. Stephen Fry, a big hero of mine, tweeted this post , and being a long term breastfeeder I took umbrage. I think it was the reference to that wretched “Bitty” sketch that really tipped me over, that and a general annoyance of having extended breastfeeding portrayed as freakish and unnatural. It’s only in our western culture that it is seen as such, and even then only relatively recently. Even Colette writes about being in school in rural France where one of her schoolmates is sent home to “suck her sister” who has too much milk. There’s also the problem of formula companies spreading this attitude to the developing world in order to sell their products, which is downright harmful to children who could be drinking breastmilk instead of dirty water, or formula made with such. Anyway, enough of my soapbox. I was sufficiently agitated to retweet the post complaining of my disappointment, and Stephen’s lack of sense or heart. I think I was so disappointed because he is such a champion for almost everything I hold dear – gay and transgender rights, atheism, the secularisation of the state, evolution, and just downright common sense and good egginess – that I felt a little wounded. I came down from brushing my teeth to find a tweet back from him expressing disappointment in my lack of humour and asking for justification ! I was astounded and completely nonplussed. Over a series of inept tweets I put my case (as above) and received two lovely replies which fully restored him to hero status.

It is a strange thing to brush with a famous person in this way, particularly when one has held them in such high regard for so long. I have admired Stephen Fry’s work ever since Blackadder, and grown up with him always being there as part of my intellectual background. I have had tweets back before from Nick Harkaway, which surprised and delighted me, and of course Jeff Noon, who is a friend of the family as well as being famous. Stephen Fry is in a whole other league though, especially on Twitter where he makes trends and breaks websites with his massive following. When I first saw his response hideous scenarios played out in my mind; being on the “This Morning” sofa as the woman who argued for long term breastfeeding, justifying my position to terrifying agony aunt, Denise, or being flamed by legions of Fry fans. It’s easy to see how one could be catapulted into the middle of such a situation by mistake which I find quite terrifying. It was also strange to imagine Stephen Fry sitting on set or in his sitting room, typing out tweets to me ! In the event nothing of the kind happened and I have a happy tale to tell my grandchildren.

I am very late beginning this today, and have nothing more of interest to tell so:

Crafts: I am on the last part of my cross stitch design. It has turned out so well that I am charity shopping around tomorrow for a suitable frame to turn it into a proper present, rather than just a card. Next week I shall be back on the patchwork as I’m hoping to enlist Bean’s help to do some planning over the weekend and decide on the size and purpose ot the finished object. I’m looking forward to returning to it which is a good sign.

Books: I have four chapters of Matt’s book “Eternity in an Hour” left to beta read. It’s such an enjoyable process and I have taken my time over it (sorry, Matt !) so have had little time to read much else this week. I did manage to squeeze in Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder, which is the first in the box set I got for my birthday. They are such lovely books. I had forgotten how zen they are, how of the moment, and how much practical knowledge they contain. I love the wonderful descriptions, whether it’s Pa making bullets or Ma making cheese, and the way love between the family members is expressed in a very matter of fact and solid way. I’m looking forward to the rest of the set, but was unable to resist beginning Lytton Strachey by Michael Holroyd. I’ve only read the foreword so far, but it’s already very exciting.

Television: More of the same. More Fringe which is very good and involving. I watched the third episode of Portrait of a Marriage which was both dramatic and heart rending. I love Janet McTeer’s performance but I do find myself wishing that I found Violet, played by Cathryn Harrison, more appealing. Other than that it’s a lovely series and has made me want to re-read Vita’s books. I’m loving Antiques Uncovered too. This week’s episode was brilliant, foussing on travel. I loved seeing the antique luggage which I longed to own, and especially the Wedgewood Portland Vase being made. It’s a fascinating show. For our film this week we watched Alien 3 continuing the series. I enjoyed it a lot more than I remembered and indeed had not a clue about the plot so must have instantly forgotten it when I saw it at the cinema. It’s like an Alien / Gritty BAFTA hybrid with lots of British actors including Charles Dance (who I can’t take seriously after Jam and Jerusalem), and Brian Glover. Parts of the plot were tenuous and annoying but over all it was good to get away from the gung ho Americana of the second film. This week we’ll finish them off with the last one.

Tally is clamouring for lunch (cheese sandwiches and not breastmilk in case anyone was wondering) so I had better finish this off and get to it. I can feel a lazy afternoon following !

You find me once again beleaguered by problems with our crumbling, ramshackle house. I am currently waiting for a rather tardy handyman who is coming to fix a leak in the guttering and our kitchen window. We have had a week of torrential rain, and since Tuesday the said rain has been sluicing down the side of the house and infiltrating the hideous and poorly installed UPVC kitchen window in several fast flowing tributaries. I suppose that if one has to have a leak, than above the kitchen sink isn’t a bad place, but we had to fabricate a complicated arrangement of kitchen roll and tea towels to ensure a smooth flow from window to sink, rather than a lot of splashing and pooling on the kitchen floor. I find leaks very unsettling for some reason. They seem to presage the erosion and eventual collapse of the whole property. As if that was not stress enough we have had a letter from the property agents who manage next door advising us that we must cut back the ivy that is growing through from our property and threatening their brickwork. I will own that there is a lot of ivy all along the adjoining fence, and our kitchen wall. I do prune it harshly with secateurs, standing on a chair but there are some parts of it which are beyond my reach. The fence in poor repair so I have been hesitant about pulling too much of it off, as it seems to be the ivy that is holding the whole thing together. I had also always assumed that it was growing in from their side and have cursed them roundly for it, all red faced and cobwebby from trying to deal with it. Why their tenants are incapable of simply trimming it back as we do I don’t know, but I’m not prepared to go into their garden as they have a dog that yaps at the top of its voice and flings itself at the door every time one walks past.

Yes, so my mood is not that much improved from last week due to continuing rain and domestic hassle. We did manage to have a much jollier week, with outings to the skate park, the Minories cafe and Go Bananas with the home ed crew. Tally is really loving playing with other children at the moment and I delight in seeing him do so. He has spent time this week playing with children ranging in age from newborn to ten or eleven years old, and talks about them all with equal enthusiaism which is part of the joy of homeschooling. I also got him to stay at Go Bananas for lunch yesterday which was a little victory on the food front as he is very resistant to eating anything other than “our food” (unless it’s ice cream or cake naturally !). I let him choose jam sandwiches and he ate them with relish. I had a really nice egg salad which was a bit of a surprise and differs amazingly in quantity and quality from their rivals at Adventureland. It meant that we could stay until he decided he wanted to go home himself which I felt he appreciated. His reading is going very well too. I have come upon him several times this week with books open in front of him as he tries to sound out words for himself. He’s also doing this whilst I am reading to him, suddenly announcing “I can read that word !” picking one seemingly at random from the pages. It’s the best interruption to reading aloud ever ! We are currently half way through “How to Steal a Dragon’s Sword” from the Hiccup the Viking series which is a fun read for both of us.

The weather has made me full of ennui. We have decided against Comicon this year as there are works on the railway that weekend which extend the journey to a ridiculous length of time, and also involve a bus which whould empty Tally’s digestive system entirely. It’s just not feasible which is a shame. I am feeling really lazy and lethargic about everything, and pessimistic too. Nothing seems worth bothering with if it involves more trudging round in the wet with rain dripping down one’s face. I’d rather stay in and play as Tal would say. On the other hand that makes for a very boring life. There is a craft and vintage fair on this Saturday, and next weekend is the Weird and Wonderful Wood fair to which our friends Rima and Tom are bound. I am hoping for brighter weather so we can enjoy both. Plans are also afoot for our “not-the jubilee” picnic in the park. A date has been set ! Let the anarchy commence !! Of course by anarchy I mean loads of us sitting around devouring cake and occasionally separating the children.

And so:

Crafts: I’ve completed about half of my birthday card design and it’s looking good. The difficult part is done now, and I am working more quickly having found my feet. I have that excitement you get when you are making a present the recipient is going to love. At least I hope she will ! There’s another week or two’s work in it and then it’s back to the patchwork.

Reading: Last week I read “Secret Scripture” by Sebastian Barry. I enjoyed it all told. It’s one of those books where there is a dire family secret to be revealed and I just can’t stop going until I know what it is. It was a cut above the usual in that genre: The House at Riverton by Kate Morton for example, or The Legacy by Katherine Webb, but I was quite surprised to find that in addition to being Costa Book of the Year in 2008, it had also been shortlisted for the Man Booker. It just didn’t seem that great shakes to me. I did enjoy its darkness, and the sorrow in it, as well as the Irish social history, but couldn’t help comparing it rather unfairly with At Swim Two Boys by Jamie O’Neill which has all of those bases covered and much more besides. I just felt I wanted more from it. This week I am going to begin my Little House series, as I am also reading and haphazardly editing my friend Matt Merendo’s first novel Eternity in an Hour which is really exciting and time consuming, so I need something easy for my evening read. It’s a great honour to be one of Matt’s beta readers and the book is fab  – watch out for it !

Television: We’re still working our way through the second series of Fringe which is picking up pace. Both of us still love Walter and the way that his relationship with Peter is handled. It’s brilliant, funny, and touching. I’m going to see Denethor in a whole new light when we next get round to a Lord of the Rings marathon. I watched Dr Lucy Worsely’s new show Antiques Uncovered last night in which she and Mark Hill look at familiar antiques, their value, and place in history. I particularly loved the inclusion of modern day craftsmen making the objects. It’s a great show. I’m also watching Long Lost Families but don’t tell anyone ! Our film this week was Aliens (on blue ray). I’ve always preferred the sequels to the original film and particualarly like Vasquez so enjoyed this very much. This week we’ll be revisiting what I think of as the rather dodgy third one, but I’ve only ever watched this once at the cinema so I’m prepared to have my mind changed.

Well another hour has gone by and still no handyman. The sky is glowering too so it seems unlikely that he’ll be able to do anything if he actually does show up. Maybe it will be helpful for him to see the problem in full flow ! I shall leave you to go and make our lunches and amuse my boy whose Clone Wars cartoon is drawing to a close. Die, Ventress ! Die !!

Today I am feeling jolly grumpy and sorry for myself. This is partly due to lingering sadness and frustration about losing my ring which is still awol. I checked the second hand jewellers and pawnbrokers in town to no avail. It was a rather interesting expedition as I’ve never been into a pawnbroker’s shop before. I’ve always thought of them as places of terrible sadness, with widows handing over their much loved wedding rings due to desperate straits, but in fact they were quite cheerful. A number of them had bowls of boiled sweets on the counter which I found a little strange; evidently some kind of pawnbroker’s tradition. Afterwards I took Tal to the story time session at the library and announced to my friend (and thus the world in general) that I had spent the morning “dragging Tally round seedy pawn shops”. Of course this was misheard by everyone and I had to hastily back track and sit down with face aflame ! I had to end my search there or go mad in the process, so have not looked for it further. I am convinced it lies in some obscure corner of the house waiting to laugh at me when, years hence, I finally discover it.

Another reason for my sulky petulance is the never-ending rain, or rather the changeable nature of the weather at the moment. When the snow outdoors is six feet deep staying at home is the only option and one becomes resigned to it. Having glimpses of beautiful sunshine through the windows that turn into thunder and torrential rain by the time one has donned outdoor gear is extremely irritating and more so with a rain-shy four year old. “Please don’t make me go out in the rain !” he begs “I want to stay in to play !!” and my heart sinks at the thought of another hour pretending to be Batman. At the weekend we planted various little seed packets into tubs with Tal – tomatoes, violets, basil, cress and so on – but due to poor drainage these have turned into pots of sludgy mud in which there is little likelihood of anything sprouting. Our flower bed may fare better; we dug it over between us and sowed sunflowers and my birthday poppies in it. The drainage there is good and it still looks well tilled and weed free. The whole venture confirmed again that neither Bean nor I are the gardening sort. When the zombie apocalypse strikes I’m hoarding tins and robbing my neighbours’ allotment !

We’ve spent most of the week indoors frowsting and fuming at the gusting wind and heavy showers. We managed a trip to the skate park on Monday which now seems an aeon away, and visits to the library, and a quick walk around the woods. I have run out of jolly things to do indoors, especially as I’m no good at what is termed “messy play” which limits my options considerably. We took my bindrune pendant to the jewellers to have a bail put on it so that I can wear it on a chain. The bindrune was made by a friend; instead of engagement rings Bean and I had one each. We had them made to thread onto a thong, but I have found that wearing it thus has limited options. I bought a lot of trollbeads over the years to put either side in an effort to cheer it up a little. They are beautiful but very weighty to wear all the time, a bit too popular,  and a bit too hippy looking for me now I’m older. I still have a morbid horror of looking like and elderly “Dead Head”, man ! Once  I can put the pendant on a chain it will be easy to change it about, to either lie hidden under my clothes on a longer chain, or to wear as a choker with a longer necklace. It was horrid leaving it in the shop, and I will be without it for up to a fortnight, but worth it in the end to ditch the curse of the leather thong, making my neck look grubby and catching on my hair. The loss of my ring had me overhauling my whole jewellery box and I realised that most of the things I keep there are no longer current, being symbolic of the Norse paganism I abandoned a couple of years ago. At some point I shall go through it and sort out the things which still fit and please me. Of course my wedding ring, the bindrune and my silver bangle will remain as permanent fixtures.

So in a nutshell I have been jolly bored ! It’s not a thing I often say and when Tal was young I deplored posts by mums who found their children’s company boring. “How could they ?” I wondered. Still after four days cooped up with someone talking incessantly about Ben Ten, Marvel characters and General Grievous I can honestly say I’ve been desperate for some of my own headspace. At times like these the role of mother and housewife lies heavily on me and, as with all jobs, everthing seems a chore and a hardship. Cooking, cleaning, tidying up, wiping bums, emptying litter trays, making cups of tea – an endless procession of the same old shit. When things appear this way and I come to them reluctantly and with resentment in my heart everything seems against me. Vegetable peelings hurl themselves onto the floor. Water leaps from the filter jug down the side of the kettle. Pans boil over, milk curdles, toast burns and I want to wail like my son at the unfairness of it all. My usual remedy would be to throw it all over and go spend the day in the park, but no ! We are trapped in the horrible house by the incessant rain. I long for rainy mornings of my past, lying in bed reading Colette and listening to Bowie, fag in hand and a can of flat beer from the night before on the bedside table. I never seem to remember the dreadful trudge to work and the meaningless, soul-sucking drudgery thereof, just the peaceful solitude of a Saturday morning to myself, with nothing to do until it was time to get ready to go and dance the night away.

Crafts: I am now working on a cross stitch design for my friend’s birthday card. It is a picture of lilies which you can download for free here . It is either harder than it looks, or I have lost my touch after a long break, but I am finding it pleasantly challenging and the results are looking quite impressive.

Reading: This week I finished Wise Man’s Fear which has contributed to the grumpiness leaving me without my daily dose of Kvothe. I can’t wait to find out what happens in the next part of the story. I’ve read some on line reviews of the series that describe Kvothe as a “Mary Sue”, but I just don’t really see that at all. I agree that he is talented and cocksure, but behind each of his skills, or door that opens for him there is a good reason, and he is certainly a flawed character with a past that dogs him as much as it helps. I loved the whole story of the Adem, and even though I found his sojourn with Felurian a little slow moving I can see how much of an impact it has on his mind and the future.  I also finished “My First Sixty Years” although I will admit to skimming some of the less interesting passages. Despite its pomposity and self-important tone Lady Maud’s writing was fascinating at times; so close to the present and yet a world away. Her view of the First World War as the end of warfare is so naive and rather heartbreaking, and her indignation about affairs of the day, now so obscure that I had to google them (e.g. the sacking of Violet Douglas-Pennant) made me think about how immediate our life experience is, and how fleeting. Unable to decide what to read next I plumped for The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry about which I know nothing as I’m only a few pages in.

Television: We are now watching series 2 of Fringe exclusively apart from one day per week when Bean watches “Game of Thrones”. I must say I find the latter deeply disturbing and want to plead with him not to watch it but can’t in all conscience. It’s just so horrible. The books were bad enough, and sometimes I wish I had never read them, but the tv series seems to focus even more on sexual violence and sex in general in a ghastly prurient way. It’s truly grim, even caught in odd glimpses without the sound as I stitch away. I am watching “Portrait of a Marriage” which I got on dvd for my birthday. It’s in four episodes which would fit in nicely with GoT if the wretched laptop would play the disc. Bean considers my rather chaste Edwardian lesbians a fair swap for naked whores beating each other whilst children are savaged by rats and dogs. Once I’m done with Vita and Violet I’m going to insist that he gets me “The L Word” having been shown a montage of a character called Shane who looked kick-ass awesome ! I’ve seen the first episode of “Portrait” which was lovely. Wonderful clothes and of course Sissinghurst which I’ve visited several times. I can remember my mother making a tremendous fuss about it when it came out, but can’t really see why. Times have changed I suppose.

I wanted to end on a positive note and so can tell you that today we signed an addendum to our letting agreement allowing us to have…..drum roll please…….a new kitten !! As the wretched Kipper is now nineteen we decided that getting a kitten now would ease the heartbreak (for Tally and Bean that is – I still plan to dance and piss on her grave simultaneously !) when she passes, and give her a bit of company now. The kitten is to be primarily cared for by me so that I can handle it, and look after it properly which is impossible with Kipper. If it’s a boy I’m calling it Lytton, and if it’s a girl, Dora. Tal is extremely excited as one can imagine. We have one of our friend’s cat’s kittens reserved so will be bringing him/her home in about eight weeks if all goes according to plan. Huzzah for new quaties !! (our family word for cat)

This week has been completely dominated by the loss of my amethyst ring. I am completely bereft and have not known such sadness brought about by the loss of an object since my troll Mr Green went missing when I was three. I have had the ring for fifteen years and wore it on the fourth finger of my right hand. I bought it in 1997 from a lovely jewellers on the edge of St Nicholas Market in Bristol called Ann Musty. I used to buy small hand made silver studs from this shop when I was  a poor student and pore over the other treasures in the little window. It was a tiny shop, almost like walking into a little jewel box of white wood and glass. Ann’s mother would serve you, and you could see Ann’s curly head bent over her jeweller’s bench behind you. I loved the fact that she made the things she sold herself and envied her craftsmanship, and what I thought must be a wonderful life making beautiful things. When I left university I went straight into a very dull temp job. I was subject to emergency tax and had a lean few weeks whilst it was sorted out. At the end of it I received the tax back from the temp agency and with the recklessness of youth I betook me to Ann’s little shop and bought myself a beautiful silver bangle. I have only taken this off at direst need (broken arm & cesarian) and still wear it on my right wrist as I type. It is heavy without being cumbersome, rounded and smooth in a very organic way, warm and gleaming. A few months on and I began my new permanent job at the library. Again I was emergency taxed and had to work a month in hand. I had just split up from my partner and spent a very miserable few weeks subsisting in my bedsit on rice and tomatoes, struggling to fit in at my new post and feeling lonely and bruised. This time when I got my money back I returned to Ann’s and bought the ring.

The thing about Ann’s jewellery is that it is the very essence of itself. I have bought many silver bangles in my time but the bangle I bought there is the definitive one. Once I had it there was no need to buy another ever again. Amethysts are my favourite stone. I fell in love with the word, long before I had ever actually seen one, when I read about Marilla’s amethyst brooch in Anne of Green Gables. I had several cheaper amethyst rings but the one I bought from Ann was the pinnacle, the very avatar of amethyst rings. Like the bangle it was smooth and organic. The stone was in a full surround, rather than a claw setting and there were no rough or sharp edges to it whatsoever. The ring itself was rounded and comfortable to wear and neither too thick nor too thin. The stone was a gorgeous deep purple, like the eye of some tiny dragon, with reddish depths to it. It was a cabochon so polished on the outside and cut on the back. It was utterly beautiful. I even had a man stop me and ask me about it on a train once. He imported amethysts from Sri Lanka and said he had never seen its like. I went through phases of wearing it all the time, and others where I hoarded it in my jewellery box, keeping it for special occasions only. I loved it because I had bought it for myself with my own money. It was like a little touchstone, a reminder that eventually things will come right, a reminder that I will always be myself no matter what may come. When I wore it I felt protected and a little magical however shabby and scruffy my garb. Of course I also inferred many mystical properties on it over the years; it was an Elven ring, a magical ring, a ring from a dragon’s hoard. It was mine. My own. My precious !

I had recently taken to wearing it full time again, telling myself that it was doing no good shut up in the jewellery box and that I should enjoy the things I own rather than being too cautious about them as is my wont. On Saturday we went about our business as usual. I did some cleaning and some reading. We went into town and ran errands. I went to the optician and bought two new pairs of spectacles (still only for distance, which was good news). When I was putting Tally to bed I felt in my pocket where I had put my rings whilst I was washing my face. The other three I wear were there but not my amethyst. I wasn’t concerned as I sometimes take just that one off to comb my hair because it catches. I thought it would be on my shelf with my combs. When I went to bed I saw that it was not there and assumed it must be on the basin. I went to bed without checking and it wasn’t until Sunday morning that the search began in earnest and I really started to panic.

Since then we have taken the house to pieces. Furniture has been pulled up and peered under with torches. Every item of clothing I own, every bag and every shoe has been thoroughly searched. Bean took everything off the bed, as once before I had taken it off in my sleep and found it under my pillow the following morning. Tally was interrogated severely but denied all knowledge. On Monday I did the cleaning and the laundry and spent all day going through everything, leaving no corner untouched. The trouble with being a neat freak is that there aren’t that many places for a lost thing to hide. In the afternoon I lugged the binbag out of the dustbin and went through it piece by nauseating piece until I was satisfied I had not thrown it away by accident. I took the side off the bath. I put on rubber gloves and felt my way round the U bend of the lavatory. I rang up every shop we went in on Saturday, and also checked at the library and post office just in case. I walked our route with my eyes cast down, looking for the gleam of silver. Nothing. Gone.

Then I started to go a bit crazy. I invented false memories of having put it in unlikely places. I accused Bean of having taken it as part of a Derren Brown stunt. I wondered if I had taken it off in the night and eaten it and should be checking the loo for evidence. My mind turned to supernatural intervention. I wondered if it had been taken from me in return for all the good luck we’ve had recently or as a punishment for greed. I also thought of an old tale about Odin travelling as a beggar with someone (I forget who) asking for a bed for the night. The first man he asks grudgingly gives dry bread and water and a night in the cellar. The second man is much worse off but offers half his food and his own bed. Odin fixes the first man’s cellar wall, but kills the second man’s cow. When his companion remonstrates with him he explains that there was a pot of gold hidden in the cellar wall which the mean  host would have found had he mended it himself, and that Death was to come for the good host’s son but had been satisfied with the cow on Odin’s word. Maybe my ring had been taken in place of something worse ? I asked St Anthony and the Dehar Pelfazzar for help to no avail. Friends on the Wraeththu forum suggested that stones sometimes “move on” when their work is done. I thought of our Ostara clear out and of recycling my last remaining clothes from that era, and worried that the ring had naturally followed them. I thought of a medieval ring shown on the Antiques Roadshow and imagined mine being found centuries hence. Of course by this stage I was anthropomophising the ring like crazy, thinking of it lost and bewildered somewhere, a gew-gaw on the finger of some trollop. I lay awake all Tuesday night wondering if I should check the plastic bags we use for Kipper’s litter box in case it had slipped in there. You know you’re going mildly insane when getting up in the night to slit open week old bags of cat shit seems like a golden opportunity instead of the actions of a madwoman. Bean is worried that I will “go Gollum” if I see a flash of purple on someone’s finger, leap on their back and gnaw off their finger in my desperation.

It’s Thursday now and there is little more that I can do, but I can’t turn off the urge to search. My problem is that I can’t bring myself to believe that it came off my hand outside the house without my noticing it; although comfortable on my finger I had to push it quite firmly over my knuckle to put it on. Ergo it must be somewhere in the house having been knocked off a shelf, or fallen out of a pocket. I am constantly looking for it. Even this morning as I played with Tally in the playroom my eyes roved to the little cupboard in his room (already searched) wondering and he said “Will you stop looking now ?” in a most aggrieved tone. I can’t in all conscience mourn for its loss. As my senior colleague at the library used to say when I bemoaned the loss or mistreatment of books “It’s not a life !”. My friend lost her father suddenly the same day I lost my ring which does put things into perspective. But I feel angry, and desolate and I don’t know what to do about it. Beany has gallantly offered to buy me a replacement but that wouldn’t be the same. I will never find one that suited me as perfectly. Ann Musty still seems to exist as a business but doesn’t have an on line shop. Searching on line for something I would like has proved fruitless. This afternoon I’m going down to the police station to see if it has been handed in but I doubt it. Although it is obviously a good quality piece it is still only silver, and obviously not an engagement ring or wedding ring so I think most folk would be inclined to keep it. After that I am going to try and persuade myself to let it go and stop looking. Bean says we’ll find it when we move, so who can tell ?

Crafts: I finished the patchwork pieces ! Yay ! I’m having a little break to make a birthday card for a friend and then I’m going to decide how to proceed with the finished patchwork project – either buying a background colour, or just stitching my shapes together.

Reading: Wise Man’s Fear continues to delight and dazzle me. I am so glad that the Tempi’s people and culture have become an important part of the story. I am nearing the end and would be feeling very dismal indeed were it not for my birthday booty bookshelf. Patrick Rothfuss had better get scribbling the next volume is all I can say ! Lady Maud turned out to be a strange kettle of fish. She begins with tales of her ancestors which was very interesting indeed, but there is no account of her childhood, the book just plunges into her married life, with lots of name dropping about time spent with the Royal Family. She also pads it out shamelessly with filler as in “I sang a song for her Majesty written by my ancestor Lord Belfast….here’s some of his diary entries I find interesting” or words to that effect, and then pages and pages of someone else’s diary, or sermons or what-have-you. By far the most interesting aspect of the book is that it is written in 1933 and is such a personal account from that time that the naivety and the absence of knowledge of WWII,  subsequent events is really startling, and almost sinister. I’m glad I am not desperate to own it, and will hand it back next week well-satisfied.

Television: We are gorging on Fringe now and thoroughly enjoying it ! It’s a great series and I’ve got a feeling that, nearing the end of the first season, we’re just beginning the real story. Looking forward very much to series two. On Monday Bean watched Game of Thrones and I watched the last episode of the Titanic series. It really was very good and I bawled my eyes out for the whole forty-five minutes. So scary and so very sad. I thought it much better than the film despite being written by Julian Fellowes of the Downton Guffaws. On Saturday we saw Poltergeist on blue ray. Beany was obsessed with this film when he was about twelve and knew whole chunks of it by heart still. I had never seen it before and thought it an odd bag of tricks, the first half being much more impressive than the rather tacky second half. I thought the most scary thing was the eating; the snacks lying around, all the cola cola, the man getting a raw steak out of the fridge to eat whilst already chomping a chicken leg. Grim !

Well away to make lunch now, trying to prevent myself from opening all the tins of soup in case one of them mysteriously contains my ring in the manner of a magical faery-tale fish.

ETA: The police did not have my ring but suggested checking local second-hand jewellery shops as some people would find it and instantly sell it for drink or drugs. A whole new can of worms for me to delve into !

I can’t believe another week has flown by and it’s blog-day again ! The rest of our bank holiday weekend passed peasantly enough, despite the dank drizzly weather and that strange feeling that everyone else is up to something of which we are completely unaware. I’m not sure what – going to church ? Family dinners ? Pontins ? I’m stumped, but there was next to no one around so they must have all been somewhere ! On Saturday I took Tally to our friend Lola’s birthday party at which thirty-four children enjoyed themselves immensely with a bouncy castle, musical bumps, pass the parcel, and a hilarous dressing up game involving everyone during which I ended up kitted out with a teddy-bear mask and a big pink sun hat. Beany (who finds children’s parties a Bit Too Much) came to collect us and took us for tea at Nero which was lovely and a good spot to unwind a little before coming home. Sunday was a bit of a wash out with nothing much to do and nowhere to go in the perpetual drizzle. By lunch time we were climbing the walls and took Tally out to scoot around a dank park for a while but it didn’t do much to brighten our spirits.

On Monday Bean made an executive decision and took us all to the pictures to see “Pirates” to avoid a repeat of the previous day’s glums. I hadn’t been to the cinema for about seven years, and I must admit I wasn’t all that keen to repeat the experience. I don’t like sitting in the dark with a bunch of strangers, the sweets and junk food, the smell, the fear of nits, the stickiness and the sudden loudness of the films themselves. I feel overloaded and as though I need to watch it from a good half mile away. The Colchester Odeon proved to be a lot cleaner and less sticky and malodourous than the Brighton one, and I was able to book an aisle seat so felt quite comfortable. I wasn’t sure what to do about the 3D glasses and ended up wearing them over my ancient specs which landed me with a teriffic headache when we eventually emerged. I ended up enjoying the film far more than expected. I’m not an Aardman fan as I don’t particularly enjoy comedy, and I find their whole aesthetic a bit ugly and off-putting. The story was funny though, and there was a very good cast. It was also lovely to sit next to Tally and witness his complete involvement and enjoyment.

We had a good day on Wednesday celebrating our friend Jude’s ninth birthday. We all went to the Minories gardens for cake and ended up staying for most of the day. I usually prefer to be home for lunch, but Tal was having such a fun time that it seemed mean to drag him off so I bought huge rounds of toast which he barely pecked at before running off again. Eventually torrential rain brought proceedings to a halt so we went to the Beard & Beeswax children’s workshop at the First Site Gallery. Overly excited Tal was more interested in play-fighting and chucking stuff around but we did manage to make a couple of beards before heading off for home, and a hungry and indignant cat. We’ve had a lot of parcels in the last couple of days. Bean had a bit of extra cash and bought me two lovely shirts from the Debenhams sale like this one . I’m really pleased with them as they are very pretty and comfortable too. I do feel slightly self-conscious as with my long skirts, and my new straw hat bought with birthday money from Nan Blod I look almost too Edwardianesque. It’s the closest I have ever been to my fantasy women’s clothing and I’m hoping that by the time the hot weather arrives I shall have boosted my confidence enough to step out in style. Bean bought himself a blu-ray player with his little bonus and some of his favourite films to play on it. I was very sceptical as I can never tell the difference between HDTV or LCDTV and can’t really understand the appeal of vast televisions; personally I’d be happy with a little black & white portable I could shut away in a cupboard when I’d finished with it. I do have to admit that I can notice the texture and the background more with the blu-rays, but whether or not that is particularly desirable I can’t really say. I think it’s because the kind of films I really like don’t depend on visual effects. I can only think of Bladerunner, Apocalypse Now and the Matrix trilogy that I might like to see in blu-ray.

Crafts: Still patchworking away ! I’m sure the hexagons are now breeding in the bag as I keep thinking I’ve only a few more left and then finding more. Bean has unearthed my old pattern but we haven’t got as far as establishing the colours or the stitch count yet. I’m planning a few little birthday cards over the summer to restock my dwindling supply.

Reading: I’m now two thirds of the way through Wise Man’s Fear and still finding it an amazingly good read. Kvothe’s adventures take ever more surprising turns. I meet each one with a kind of dismay as I’m enjoying the current storyline too much, and then within a few paragraphs the new situation becomes another favourite, like nesting dolls, or a series of lovely inter-connecting rooms. I expected this book to begin with Kvothe’s expulsion from the University as hinted at the end of The Name of the Wind but there has been no suggestion of that so far and having read all his adventures whilst on sabbatical I almost feel like that would matter less to me now. I do want to discover more about Elodin and Auri though.  There are a lot of really good characters in this book; Kvothe’s old gang, Denna, the enigmatic Stapes, Felurian and Kvothe’s band of mercenaries. I particularly love Tempi with his amazing martial arts and his beautiful sign language. I received an inter-library loan this week: My First Sixty Years by Lady Maud Warrender. It is unattainable being out of print and very expensive so I was delighted to be able to borrow it. I’ve ony read the first chapter but can already tell it’s going to be a good read, akin to Osbert Sitwell’s autobiography. The only difficulty will be a reluctance to give it back ! I’m hoping that by reading the two along side each other I will be able to eke them both out.

Tally’s reading is going very well. He’s still doing it every day and now reminding me if I have forgotten. He’s working his way through the early learning books at the library with gusto and is beginning to recognise words rather than having to build them up. We tried The Wind in the Willows for bedtime reading but it was too verbose and obscure for him, so we are now half way trhough The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe which he loves. It’s fantastic to be able to share my own favourites from childhood with him. I think his reading sensibilites are going to be very similar to ours so I’m looking forward to a lifetime of book recommendation and discussion.  Lastly my friend Matthew Merendo has his first published story out this week in an anthology called “The Touch of the Sea” edited by Steve Berman. Huzzah for you, Matt !

Television: We’re so involved in the intrigue of Fringe that we’ve been rather neglecting our other two series. It’s so exciting and bizarre and we both love Walter Bishop and his peculiar pronouncements. It makes me laugh, the people that Bean and I find attractive. He blogged about it here and I know just what he means, especially the part about labelling yourself rather than have an undesirable label imposed by others. So it’s mainly Fringe with a little BSG at the moment. I am also watching Titanic and saw the third episode last night. I can’t say I’m enjoying it exactly as it is completely terrifying and desperately sad, but it’s a very good version of the story. There is a new series of “Long Lost Family” on ITV this week and I am torn between my inevitable enjoyment and the horror of reality tv and its voyeurism and manipulation. I might watch the first one and see how it goes.

Well time to make lunch for the boy and try and entice him out of doors. He is convinced it its going to rain and that we should stay in and play Spiderman instead. I’ve got an eye test booked for Saturday afternoon and I’m a little apprehensive as it’s my first for eight years and I’m sure I’m going to need varifocals, bi-focals and an eye-ball transplant. Anything vaguely medical throws me into a panic. Bean has promised that if I need to wear spectacles all the time I can choose some neo-Edwardian ones on line which is tempting I will own. Lorgnette maybe, or a monacle ?

It’s Good Friday today so Bean is at home and currently snuggled on the sofa explaining the finer plot points of “The Mummy” to Tal. We’ve had a lovely week doing all manner of jolly things and I’m ready for a bit of relaxation over the bank holiday weekend. On Monday we spent the whole day out of doors with friends. We started off at the skate park, but as it is the school holidays it was a bit crowded and rowdy for our small fry so we adjourned to a near by meadow. One of the peculiar features of living here in what I call the “Neither-Nor” is being able to sit in a lovely river-side meadow with trees and swans in view, the river gurgling past, and to know that a few minutes over the next field lie the horrors of MacDonalds and the dual carriageway. It makes a lie of it somehow; like being on the holo-deck of the Enterprise. That said, we had a marvellous time with a picnic, and the children spying in the long grass, having “wars” with sticky buds, climbing trees and throwing sticks into the river. There were tumbles taken and nettle stings galore but never a cross word between them. We mothers sat and chatted and I caught the sun across my nose, which made me feel the next day as though I’d been on some idyllic little holiday.

On Tuesday it was my birthday. I like being fourty-four. Forty-three always felt a little uneven like the tall chair in our favourite cafe that has one leg shorter than the rest. Fourty-four feels good and solid and “adds up” to eight which is my favourite number. Bean had the day off work and he and Tal surprised me with a lovely card, much embellished with flowers, rabbits, jewels and carrots, and a teeny little reading lamp which clips onto your book, known as a “Tiny Tim”. My main family present is my tattoo on 23rd June. I had a wonderful package from my Faraway Friend with poppy seeds to add to our gardening project and a little glow in the dark star for Tal who was delighted to receive something; he still finds other people’s birthdays a bit of a trial. My in-laws had sent me wonderful colour editions of the first five Little House books. Just beautiful. I can’t wait to read them again; just flicking through to examine the beautiful illustrations sparked exciting memories of reading them as a girl. My brother-in-law and his fiancee had sent the complete Nancy Mitford novels, and the dvd of “Portrait of a Marriage” which I have never seen. I was really delighted. My friend Sarah sent the most beautiful hanger, all made from patchwork in shades of purple, stocked with lavender and camomile teas. Such amazing handiwork !

We went out to the castle in the afternoon and listened to the story-teller give an account of Ostara in Saxon times. We went to the last session of the day and there was only ourselves and one other family so it was quite an informal exchange. The chap was in full Saxon fig and had a harp and a horn to show us. It was great for Tally to hear that eggs and hot cross buns pre-date the coming of Christianity and have a proper part in our culture. I sometimes think it must seem like we’re making it all up, so to see someone outside the family discuss Ostara and Yule was good for him. He sat very still and quiet throughout and asked a good question about the chap’s short knife, worn on the front of his tunic. I was able to ascertain the correct pronunciation of “aglaec-wif”. Afterwards we went for tea and cake at our favourite cafe. We shared white chocolate cake decorated with mini eggs and warm chocolate brownie and felt very full indeed.

We also bought some bits for the house whilst we were out. We replaced the tatty net curtain which was an emergency purchase when we moved in, with a lovely voile panel embroidered with little russet and fawn leaves. It looks very attractive against the green curtain and makes a difference to the whole room. We replaced the horrid paper shades with round plain ones which Bean is going to decorate with Art Nouveau patterns at some stage. Even plain they improve the appearance of the room and make it a lot cosier when the lights are on. We chose cream for the downstairs rooms and a cheery yellow for the otherwise monochrome bedroom. Best of all we treated ourselves to a new desk lamp which I absolutely love. Here it is:

 I love the style of it, and the light it gives. Best of all it works by simply touching the base. There are three levels of light and then “off”. It reminds me of workings of the sympathy lamps in “The Name of the Wind” and seems almost magical. So a few relatively inexpensive items have made quite a big difference to our living space which is always a good thing.

On Thursday I had a lovely birthday tea with lots of unexpected friends turning up to eat cake with me. We all sat outside in the tea garden and I was sung to and blew my candles out, happy as a four year old.

I had many more lovely presents – speciality tea, home made jam and marmalade, enormous gourmet chocolates, a lovely note book, candles scented with hyacinth and rose in a dear little basket, and an amazing book “The Modern Antiquarian” by Julian Cope (of Teardrop Explodes !). I can’t believe I have never heard of this last before. It is an exhaustive catalogue of the ancient sites of Britain, with photographs, essays, maps and best of all little poems and personal notes about the places. I have only skimmed through so far but can see it will while away many a happy hour. The children all played whilst we ate that enormous cake (I don’t know if you can see, but the candles are in the shape of little lego men !) and caught up with each other. Later on we went out to the causeway and all the kids skated around. There was a great diversion when the police turned up to arrest a couple of drunks; the children watching the proceedings with some fascination, making me giggle, but otherwise a blissful time was had.

Well after all that excitement I have hardly any time left for the usual round up:

Crafts: Still patching. Still nagging Bean for a cross stitch pattern from the days of yore.

Reading: Approaching the half-way mark of Wise Man’s Fear and finding myself in the happy position of enjoying the sequel even more than the original work. It is a wonderful tale and Kvothe continues to delight me as a character. I love Elodin in this book, and the development of Kvothe’s circle of friends as characters, and as a group. There have also been some wonderful little stories and myths as asides which I always find enjoyable in a book. I shall be bereft when it’s finished.

TV: Still being watched – The Fringe, BSG, Northern Exposure with Beany. I am loving Titanic, especially the device of showing the same plot point from the point of view of different classes of character. Very good. I tried “Our Food” because it features Dr Lucy Worsley who is a heroine of mine, and I like the programmes that Giles Coren and Sue Perkins make together. Unfortunately I found it really dull and struggled to stay awake. I guess I’m just not that interested in food, even in a historical context. Too much Giles and not enough Lucy to keep me interested. I am also at the point of abandoning Game of Thrones. I found the books a long, hard slog and was repelled by much of the content. In a way the tv series is even worse because although the violence is not quite so graphic they have stuffed it with nearly nude sex scenes which border on the pornographic. Not my cup of tea. I’m also feeling the same kind of tense depression steal over me when watching as when I read the books, knowing that the characters are constantly under threat of the most appalling violence and abuse. Now I have read the books, of course there is no intrigue driving me to watch the action so I think Bean must walk that particular path alone.

Ok, I must leave this oasis of calm and re-enter the fray of bank holiday food shopping, children’s birthday parties and laundry ! Have a happy extended weekend everyone !

This is a hurry scurry blog, squeezed into a day packed with sunshine and business. I am eagerly awaiting Emmaus coming to collect our old bureau so that I can rearrange our furniture to suit us now we have our new chest of drawers. We are also packed and ready to head off to home ed Shared Space where everyone brings a craft or game and a big group of mixed age children get together to share lunch and their favourite pastimes. I am taking some material and silks to show some of them how to cross stitch and blackwork this time, which is very exciting, and also our lovely story cubes. These are like dice but with little pictures on each face: a monster, a fountain, an umbrella and so on. They are shaken out and the challenge is to tell a story including all the pictures. I am planning to shake them and then let each child choose one so that everyone is included.

Life is very hectic at the moment and can only become more so with the lovely weather beckoning us away from jobs and duties outside to enjoy it. Tal has a new lunch box and water bottle with his favourite Spiderman on them, and I was treated to a food flask by Bean so that I can take my soups and stews off for a picnic. We are on the brink of a wonderful few weeks full of visits and outings as well as the possibility of just being outside after the long winter confinement. I am still managing to catch hold of Tal once a day, sit him down and get him to read to me which is the most exciting thing since he learned to walk and talk. On Monday we were sitting at the skate park, waiting for the other home edders to turn up when he quite suddenly said to me “I know what that word on that bus says.” I asked him (it was Beestons) and he said “It says Beston !”. This was the first time he had read anything without either me asking him to, or him asking me for help, or spelling it out loud. I pointed out the double “e” and he said he’d noticed that, but thought it was Bestons because the bus was “best on” the road, showing that he’s also thinking in terms of context. It was all I could do to stop myself leaping up and shouting out loud for joy.

Next week it is my birthday. Bean has kindly taken the day off work to entertain me, but it will be tempered slightly by having to have our house inspected by the property agents the following day; always an anxious time for me. We are planning to take Tally to a story-teller session at the Castle “From Ostara to Easter” which will hopefully illustrate where our tradition fits into history as a whole. I have high hopes as the other workshops and events we’ve attended there have been top quality. It feels like a bit of an anti-climax this year as my family present is a new (and maybe my last) tattoo which I couldn’t book until 23rd June. Bean shot himself in the foot somewhat by providing the Best Birthday in the history of the world last year, on which I received a birthday card from Professor Ronald Hutton, and a hand written note from John Crowley. It will never be bettered but gives me such a wonderful birthday memory of joy and gladness that it really was the best present ever, and one that will last my whole life long.

Crafts: I am still patching away. I am getting near to the end of my supply of hexagons and worrying about the number of turquoise and red ones left. It may be that I can’t use them all but I still have plenty of flower shapes to go on a plain background. I think it will look too fussy for my taste if I sew them all together. I am thinking it might make a throw for the back of the settee, or a cover for the bottom third of our bed should we ever get a base for it. I have a great urge to ressurect another project from long ago which I have in mind as a present for someone, but it is dependent on Bean dredging up some long lost computer files whcih is dubious. Of course, being me, that just makes me want to do it even more; the less likely it is the more essential it becomes !!

Reading: I finished “A Profound Secret” which passed muster enough to be installed on my shelf of biographies. In a way its rawness, and air of family history is its greatest charm. I loved the parts where Josceline Dimbleby had interviewed elderly relatives about their childhood memories of Amy and May; very touching. So now I have embarked on “Wise Man’s Fear” and was instantly drawn in where “Name of the Wind” left off. It is so enthralling and exciting and just brilliant. It seems a far bigger book (although that might just be having the hard back) and I’m trying not to gallop ahead too much, but it is an effort !

Television: Upstairs Downstairs finished with a dramatic flourish. I enjoyed it to the last, but don’t see how they can go much further with the master/servant theme. I suppose they might queeze a series out of WWII but further than that I don’t know. I watched the first episode of Titanic which was great. I love ogling all the costumes and sets whilst simultaneously chortling at the dialogue. “I will not share a lifeboat with a drunken prostitute !!” heh ! I shall be watching the rest though. I can’t help myself. I have sped through the second series of Downton too, and have only the Christmas Special left to watch. I must admit the sight of Mr Bates en deshabille was almost enough to put me off completely but not quite. I think my favourite character is Lady Edith who just interjects with horrified expressions every five minutes. “Sybil’s run off with the chauffeur” (horrified grimace) “Lavinia is dead !” (shocked gurning) if I drank I would make it into a game. But as always it’s the clothes and furniture that keep me enthralled. I could quite happily watch them all just enact a mundane existence as long as they were in period dress. We’re still packing in BSG, Fringe and Northern Exposure all of which are great.

Well, Emmaus are still nowhere in sight and I’m beginning to worry that we’ll be late for our group but to ring up and hassle a charity seems….well rather uncharitable ! So I shall have to make sure we’re ready to shoot out once they’ve been. Being a stickler for punctuality is sometimes desperately burdensome !

Well the Equinox certainly brought the spring to this part of the world. We have had a wonderful week of mild, sunny weather to enjoy. Our central heating has been turned off, I’ve shed one layer of clothing and we’ve been skipping hither and thither without hats, and in Tal’s case without a coat. He thinks it the height of excitement to be allowed to race or scoot along the pavement without his outdoor clothes on, and it has been  warm enough to let him ! We had a lovely visit from my in-laws, Cas and Degzy. Tal was beside himself as we prepared asking every five minutes “Will Nan be here now ? How about now ?”. They came laden with gifts from the family and a very handsome chest of drawers for us which houses all our documents, correspondence and home ed stuff with room to spare:

The old bureau whose leg you can see to the right is due to be collected by Emmaus next week, so we will have more space then. It gives a very different feel to my desk, allowing more light and elbow room so is much better all round. I’m delighted with it. We went to look around the First Site gallery which hadn’t really improved since our last visit, and had a wonderful lunch at the Minories cafe. Tal was treated at the toy shop and we had tea and cake in Neros. On Mothers Day I had peach coloured roses (“I know you don’t like pink !” squeaked Tal excitedly), some speciality marmalade and a box of marzipan fruits chosen by Tally. He’d made a card with a picture of himself with two faces for “double love” and “thank you, love Tally” written inside. It was lovely to be able to spend the day with Nan too. We gave her a kindle book that Bean had made with all Tal’s funny sayings copied from Facebook and Twitter over the past three years or so as part of her gift. We all went to the park and had a very nice lunch at the Little Ice Cream Co. It all passed very quickly but everyone had a really jolly time.

Luckily we had a busy week which softened the blow of them leaving for Tally somewhat. Bean had Monday and Tuesday as holiday and we celebrated Ostara. Tal had chocolate eggs, and a present from us, and we had our usual feast. Bean went with me round the charity shops on Tuesday morning and helped me choose a couple of shirts to add to my growing Edwardian look wardrobe. One is loose and white, and the other is more tailored and striped. I am now longing for some little cuff links to go with the latter. Because they are both pale cotton I had to bite the bullet and order some new bras. Even on line I find it hideously embarrassing and made Bean do it. Aside from a couple of nursing bras they are the first I have bought in about ten years, which speaks volumes for the durability of Sloggi crop tops ! Luckily Bean was able to get more of the same in white, so hopefully another decade will pass before I need to confront the issue again. We also had a big clear out and I finally threw away my ancient pair of Religion combats, patched and threadbare beyond redemption. I thought about putting them away just for sentiment’s sake but it felt good to let them go. I bought them when living alone in my Bristol bed sit, and always view that time of my life through rose-tinted spectacles. Time to move on. Bean made a similar sacrifice, relinquishing his old duster coat, mildewed and ripped up past hope of repair. Maybe the gods will smile upon these offerings and send us the means to go forward.

We had a jolly home ed meet up to go to on the Wednesday, helping us not miss Bean too much after five whole days together. Tal amazed me by willingly (most of the time) running off and playing both with the other children and by himself. I had a chance to chat and relax and we both enjoyed it very much. On Thursday we returned to the Minories for tea and cake and a good skate around. Today we have paid a visit to our old La Leche group and are going to the library to get more reading books for Tal. He is still somewhat of a reluctant scholar but always delighted with his progress once he gets going. We are very proud of him, both for doing it every day with a minimum of moaning, and for his improvement so far. Yesterday we gave him the Marvel Encyclopaedia, which had been delayed from Yuletide due to lack of stock, both as a reward and an incentive to be able to read more.

Crafts: I finished off my birthday card design, and returned to my patchwork this week. I still have a couple of weeks more patches before I have to think about a background colour. In my mind it is my favourite sage / olive green but I will have to take a few of the patches I’ve made with me to determine what looks best. I might start a smaller cross stitch project along side as I have one nagging in my mind that would be simple but long term to do. Also my lovely mum in law brought me some spare knitting wool in cream and blue, just when I was wishing for the materials to have a go at crochet and knitting, so I am on the look out for a simple pattern that suits the amount and the type of wool. Further investigation on Ravelry is needed !

Reading: My reading time has suffered due to television, of which more below. I am two thirds of the way through “A Profound Secret” which is a lovely book; very gentle and descriptive. I am now reading the rather sad story of Amy Gaskell and about to find out why she died of a broken heart. I do have a strong incentive to finish in the shape of a wonderful early birthday present I received from my lovely Faraway Friend; “Wise Man’s Fear” by Patrick Rothfuss, which is the continuing story of Kvothe being the sequel to “The Name of the Wind” !! Now I know full well that once I open it poor old Amy Gaskell will lose all her allure and be left unfinished on the shelf, so I am being very strict with myself and enjoying a few days of gleeful anticipation before I dive in ! Tally and I are still reading “How to Speak Dragonese” and I’m delighted that playing at Hiccup, Fishlegs and Toothless is about even stevens with games involving television characters, and that he can hardly wait to go to bed for the next instalment.

Television: I am off the wagon completely ! We have gone from having next to nothing to watch to a plethora ! Together we are working our way through Northern Exposure, Battlestar Galactica and The Walking Dead which finishes this week. My in laws also told us about “Fringe” which we’ve now begun to watch from the beginning. It’s a bit like the X Files so far, and one has to suspend disbelief to get over some of the plot developments. That said, after only three episodes I’m developing a huge affection for it, mainly because of Walter, played by John Noble (Denethor from the Lord of the Rings films) who acts the mad scientist part brilliantly. I also like Peter, his son, played by Joshua Jackson who I’m rather ashamed to admit to knowing as Pacey from Dawson’s Creek; look I got my first proper tv in 2002 and went a bit mad, ok ?

This in itself would not be too, bad and could theoretically be watched in hour-a -night bursts. But oh dear ! Upstairs Downstairs was just a gateway to Downton Abbey and I am now completely embroiled in costume drama ! I can’t help myself ! How ever daft the plots, or cheesey the scripts I just love them ! I have caught up with Upstairs Downstairs which I love for the plots and the characters. I particularly like Mr Amanjit and the wicked Lady Persephone. The costumes and sets now being 1940′s are a bit past my favourite period but still very lovely. I have the whole second series of Downton and a Christmas special to catch up on, and have watched three episodes so far. Now the plots and acting in Downton are verging on the ridiculous, and make me chuckle, but the clothes, jewellery, cars and interiors are just fabulous. I nudge poor Bean every five minutes to say “I want that hat !” or “I want a nightie like that” as the poor chap tries to block it out with Skyrim. This week I found out that a new series, “Titanic”, begins on Sunday so all hope is lost. I find this kind of programme more addictive than sweets. Once we have watched our mutual programme I cannot help myself, and reach for the lap top for a costume drama fix, leaving a scant half hour for reading. Maybe that will change once I begin “Wise Man’s Fear” and I can alternate reading and tv nights to fit it all in.

Right I must end here if we are to go to the library. I have washing to hang, and lunch to make. There are always too many things fighting for attention and the awful sense that whilst I juggle them all something else Even More Important is passing by. I need a clone ! Tomorrow we have Forest School so I’m hoping for another glorious spring day for marshmallow toasting and elder hollowing.